A bizarre twist to the story!

So happy! Thank you angels for looking after me!

How to tell someone (the man you fancy), that you have herpes… My version.

Sometimes, you write something and you know it’s going to be too much. So you edit, and you edit, and you edit. Until eventually….

Sometimes, you write something and you know it’s going to be too much. So you edit, and you edit, and you edit. Until eventually you have something which looks like you might reasonably send it. Of course, you are shitting yourself. And you send it to as many people as you can. But then eventually you need to know to press send. After that, there is no going back. It will quite literally, all be on a plate.

 

Hey _________

I’m really excited to see you next Wednesday.

I think by now you know I’m attracted to you and I think you feel something for me as well.

I just want to reiterate again that there are no expectations or pressure other than to have fun and enjoy each other.

As you know I’ve been a through a bit of a journey with health and one of the side effects of taking medication to keep me liver happy keeps my immune system gets suppressed.

Some time ago a sexual partner gave me herpes, (genital cold sores).

This is how I contracted the virus. I didn’t get to make a choice on whether or not I wanted to take the chance. It was passed on to me by someone who had no idea they carried the virus.

I wish I could have made the decision for myself, and chose how to move forward, but I didn’t get too.

This was horrifying for me, but I’ve done a lot of research and millions of people have it – most of them not even knowing they do as they have no symptoms.

Most of the time it’s not a problem and with careful precautions like using protection it’s reasonably safe for me to engage in sexual activity.

Alongside this, It’s really uncommon to contract it without a flare-up.

As uncomfortable as it’s for me, I felt that it was important to let you have a few days to process this information.

I understand that this could lead to a reaction on your end and a change in your mind about what you want but I will never hold anything against you.

I look forward to seeing you on Wednesday, even if you don’t want to mess around we can still go for a walk and play pool.

x

(Afterthought – if you want to know more about it I’ve done a lot of research and can send you some of what I know and some good links. It’s really a very common condition but that doesn’t stop the stigma which is attached to it).

After he goes – you are extraordinary

“The people who left you did not understand how to love you. This does not mean you are unloveable. It means not everyone is equipped to handle the extraordinary.”

It’s been over a month since Mr Unavailable, waved farewell and exited Stage Left to sort out whatever the fuck he does for a job. There is no doubt in Daisy’s mind that he gave her Herpes and little doubt that she may quite literally never hear from him again. But as time passes, she grows more resolute. If it wasn’t meant to be, it won’t. And if by some small glimmer of a chance he does care, he did start to fall for her, then he will return, and they will work on building trust.

“The people who left you did not understand how to love you. This does not mean you are unloveable. It means not everyone is equipped to handle the extraordinary.”

It’s been over a month since Mr Unavailable, waved farewell and exited Stage Left to sort out whatever the fuck he does for a job. There is no doubt in Daisy’s mind that he gave her Herpes and little doubt that she may quite literally never hear from him again. But as time passes, she grows more resolute. If it wasn’t meant to be, it won’t. And if by some small glimmer of a chance he does care, he did start to fall for her, then he will return, and they will work on building trust.

She won’t be holding her breath though. Not this time.

Alexander Graham Bell was believed to have said, “When one door closes, another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us.”

‘A Letter To My Future Self’ – She is strong, but not in the way most people think…

‘A Letter To My Future Self’
Written by Marian Nicholson with comments by Daisy
https://herpes.org.uk/letter-telling-my-younger-self-how-i-am-now-pity-i-didnt-know-then-what-i-know-now/
(Dear Daisy)

I know exactly how you’re feeling. You’re 26, (34) and you’ve just found out from the doctor that you have herpes. You’ve just burst out crying in front of the awkward-looking trainee GP.

(You’ve broken down in tears in your bedroom. The world feels like its ending. No one will ever want to have with sex with you again. Touch you even. You are infected. Dirty. Disgusting.)

‘A Letter To My Future Self’
Written by Marian Nicholson with comments by Daisy
https://herpes.org.uk/letter-telling-my-younger-self-how-i-am-now-pity-i-didnt-know-then-what-i-know-now/

Dear Laura,

(Dear Daisy)

I know exactly how you’re feeling. You’re 26, (34) and you’ve just found out from the doctor that you have herpes. You’ve just burst out crying in front of the awkward-looking trainee GP.

(You’ve broken down in tears in your bedroom. The world feels like its ending. No one will ever want to have with sex with you again. Touch you even. You are infected. Dirty. Disgusting.)

You feel like your whole world is over, you’re damaged goods and no-one will ever want to have sex with you again.

(Yes, this is totally me now. It feels like the world has ended. I’m angry at them (yes – I was an idiot twice) and mostly at myself because at the end of the day it was my body and I could have stopped this. Could have prevented this. I will never forgive myself for this.)

You’re going to spend the next week in the flat, crying, downing wine and despairing at the terrible injustice – you only had sex with him one time! And you didn’t even really like him!

(I am not going to spend the week crying, because in my life so far, let’s be honest more shitty life altering crap has happened to you. But you are undoubtedly rocked to the core. And let’s be honest, if Mr Unavailable cared so little about your body to protect you from getting pregnant and catching anything then yes, you do need to think carefully about how he fits into your life.)

Well, I’m pleased to say that ten years’ later, you’re doing great!

(Of course, you are. Great! And amazingly! You don’t know this yet, but you are extraordinary. )

Yes, at the beginning it was difficult, and maybe you did avoid some romantic encounters because you felt insecure about having to tell someone you had herpes. But then, about a year later, you met _____ – such a great guy. You waited until you’d been out a few times, and you were about to get near to having sex, and then sort of blurted it out. And he was absolutely fine about it! You ended up dating for almost a year, and then after that, you went on to have three more really happy relationships. No tears, no rejection – everyone you told basically shrugged their shoulders and never mentioned it again.

(This is hard to believe now, but I do have faith. I do have hope. The more I read about this, the more common it seems to be and the more people seem to have it.)

Married now
Then you met the person that you would end up marrying. You were really nervous because you knew he was someone special. You spent the whole meal trying to eat your dinner and follow the conversation, with heart pumping at deafening volume. Well, that was an anti-climax – again -just a shoulder shrug and ‘Oh, I don’t know much about it but I’m not bothered at all.’ Cut to 5 years later, and we’re still going strong.

(I do believe this will happen, I haven’t given up hope. One should never give up hope. Because at the end of the day, hope is what keeps us going.)

So, what I’d love to be able to do for you (and everyone who might be going through something similar) gives you a giant hug and tell you that IT WILL BE OK!

(I needed to read this here, but also hear it from one of my closest friends. She and her partner have it, and have had it for years, and look at where she is now and what she is doing. It’s not life ending don’t give up hope. This is a blip. It really is.)

You are the person who will be the most worried about things – not your future partners. They will choose you because they fancy you and love you – as you would for others, because why on earth would you not go out with someone because of a skin condition? How ridiculous! And if you do come across someone who judges you on the basis of that skin condition, do you want to waste your time with someone like that? There are so many good ones out there.

(That is what really strikes me, it’s a skin condition. It’s not killing me. It’s really important that you keep reminding yourself about this.)

Honestly, the hardest thing you’ll have to get over is your own feelings of shame and embarrassment – and you’re still working on it (that’s why I’m using a pseudonym here). But there are people like Marian and Nigel trying to break down that stigma, and in time maybe you’ll work up the courage to be 100% open.

(The more people who talk about this, and show it’s not a life-ending life-shattering diagnosis the more that stigma will be reduced about herpes. Daisy, suddenly realises that this sort of thing happens to people like her because things need to change. People need to talk about this, and a difference needs to be made to end the stigma.)

But in the meantime, dry your tears, and try not to worry too much about the future, because it’s a really really happy one.
Lots of love, you +10
Xx

Thank you to https://herpes.org.uk for their informative and helpful website. If you have a moment please consider having a look and educating yourself of this misunderstood disease.

This is what other sites don’t tell you:

  1. Genital herpes is caused by a herpes simplex virus (type 1 or type 2) – nearly everyone (70%) will catch at least one type, sooner or later.
  2. Most don’t know they have it: 1 in 3 will have symptoms and get diagnosed. The others have mild symptoms and so they are unlikely to be diagnosed – or they have no symptoms at all.
  3. The word ‘incurable’ is used to make it seem important when it isn’t.
  4. Some people get recurrences and we can advise on how these can be reduced and stopped.
  5. Many other infections stay with us – chickenpox, glandular fever are two. Other infections also hide in the body. Nobody makes a fuss about them.

 

Daisy call’s him up on his shit – aka ‘The Litmus Test’

litmus test
noun
1.
CHEMISTRY
a test for acidity or alkalinity using litmus.
2.
a decisively indicative test.
“effectiveness in these areas is often a good litmus test of overall quality”
Winning the war in your mind.
“The emotional impact of being diagnosed with genital herpes is often much worse than the condition and it doesn’t deserve the upset it causes.”

‘Well’, thinks Daisy, ‘this isn’t quite the sort of gift I would have liked from him.”
Daisy is thinking of the gift of herpes, the sexually transmitted disease she has been given in the last two weeks by her ‘fuck buddy’ Mr Unavailable. Mr Unavavailable thinks he didn’t give it to her, but if they were in a court of law, the evidence would be pretty damming.
1. He has had cold sores in the past.
2. He has been sick for the past month.
3. He went down on her.
4. They had unprotected sex.
Daisy is not in the business of blame. It serves little purpose unless you are trying to achieve some compensation and in the business of sexual health, once it has gone it has gone.
If the local GUM clinic had a loyalty card program, Daisy would have Gold Card status. She has been, pardon the phrase, anal about looking after her sexual health. A youth spent dealing with the life-changing diagnosis of an incurable autoimmune disease threw her into depression, alcohol and the beds of anyone she thought might maybe ‘love’ her? There was also the eternal search for the elusive ‘orgasm’, found only many years later with the assistance of external aids. And truly, she has been such a good practicer of safe sex. Condoms were her friend. So the total debacle of the unprotected sex she had two weeks ago makes her wonder if she was body snatched by aliens.
“The risk of transmitting the herpes virus can be reduced by about 50% if you use condoms.”

litmus test
noun
  1. 1.
  2. CHEMISTRY
  3. a test for acidity or alkalinity using litmus.
  4. 2.
  5. a decisively indicative test.
  6. “effectiveness in these areas is often a good litmus test of overall quality”

Winning the war in your mind.
“The emotional impact of being diagnosed with genital herpes is often much worse than the condition and it doesn’t deserve the upset it causes.”

‘Well’, thinks Daisy, ‘this isn’t quite the sort of gift I would have liked from him.”
Daisy is thinking of the gift of herpes, the sexually transmitted disease she has been given in the last two weeks by her ‘fuck buddy’ Mr Unavailable. Mr Unavavailable thinks he didn’t give it to her, but if they were in a court of law, the evidence would be pretty damming.
1. He has had cold sores in the past.
2. He has been sick for the past month.
3. He went down on her.
4. They had unprotected sex.
Daisy is not in the business of blame. It serves little purpose unless you are trying to achieve some compensation and in the business of sexual health, once it has gone it has gone.
If the local GUM clinic had a loyalty card program, Daisy would have Gold Card status. She has been, pardon the phrase, anal about looking after her sexual health. A youth spent dealing with the life-changing diagnosis of an incurable autoimmune disease threw her into depression, alcohol and the beds of anyone she thought might maybe ‘love’ her? There was also the eternal search for the elusive ‘orgasm’, found only many years later with the assistance of external aids. And truly, she has been such a good practicer of safe sex. Condoms were her friend. So the total debacle of the unprotected sex she had two weeks ago makes her wonder if she was body snatched by aliens.
“The risk of transmitting the herpes virus can be reduced by about 50% if you use condoms.”
This information is like a hug when she reads it. It makes her feel less stupid and more like if this was going to happen, it was and maybe even condoms would not have saved her. In the last few days, Daisy has learnt so much about herpes she feels almost like she could take it on as her specialist subject on Mastermind.
The ‘New Zealand Herpes Foundation’ is an incredible resource of information on every aspect of Daisy’s new medical issue. The more she reads the more she realises how much of a stigma is attached to this awful disease, which really and truly is just a skin condition.
In many ways, the facial cold sore is worse because you can see it, and no one ostracises people with cold sores. Instead, people are just sensible.
Daisy has ‘ummed’, and ‘ahh’ed about messaging Mr Unavailable back after his nice little accusation that she ‘gave it to him’. It’s taken time but today she feels like this is the moment that she needs to lay her cards on the table. Sometimes you need to call people up on their shit. Sometimes you need to know when to do it.
So she begins…

“I’m really upset by all this.
What do you not understand about this situation?
‘Since the genital herpes virus can be transmitted through oral sex as well as vaginal sex, it is also possible that your partner caught the virus from a cold sore on your mouth or face.
Remember, it is possible you can pass the herpes virus on even if you didn’t have a cold sore present at the time of contact.’
I am sure you are more than aware of how much I care about you as a person and despite what you think happened in the past, I have never wanted or set out to intentionally hurt or harm you.
Assumptions aren’t healthy neither is blame.
The other party is being tested, but until both tests are in, we won’t know and even then we might not.
I am not going to jump to conclusions (like you) but he is a lot older than us and has never had a cold sore in his life. I slept with him for years back when we dated and never had a problem. The symptoms didn’t start until after we slept together (positive because in a worst-case scenario if he did give it to me you might be fine) but odd that it was after you and not him.
So if you get tested and don’t have it – great 👍🏻
If you get tested and do have it and your results come back before his – well the odds are on you but at least you know now and can be aware for the future.
A huge number of the population carries the virus without knowing and it was probably due to the weakened immune system that I contracted it.
There is no point in me being angry.
But my life is changed forever.
That does not sit lightly with me.
Some key points through which I think you should be aware of.
1. Herpes is a skin condition – no different from the cold sore virus – as such the stigma associated with it is wrong and although – yes – I am devastated by contracting this disease I will seek to work towards helping others with this diagnosis in the future and making sure that more people realise how common it is.
2. We were both HUGLEY irresponsible and stupid and are fortunate that this wasn’t something worse. AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhoea, chlamydia and trichomoniasis. When you go for your test please be tested for everything. I was clean on the 11th of March. Now I am not so sure.
I had my last test on the 11th of March – at the end of the day whichever way this goes I’m the one that so far has born the brunt of the symptoms.
As someone who knows how terrifying it is not to know about the state of your health, I do commiserate at your current situation.
However, please accept responsibility where the carrier or not for whatever the conclusion of this horrid situation is.
Honestly, yes. I think you gave it to me. But what can now be achieved that will benefit me or you now in blame? Nothing. I think this is a moot point on both sides.
I am praying you to come back clean, even if this makes me the ‘baddie’. I care more about your health than being the baddie in this horrendous situation.
Please see the below information.
“Your partner may have caught genital herpes from you. It is possible that you carry the virus without knowing that you have it since up to 80% of people who have been infected with HSV-2 have either no herpes symptoms or such mild symptoms they are unaware they have the herpes virus. So it is very easy for you to have unwittingly transmitted the infection to your partner. The symptoms of the infection vary greatly between individuals – it might be totally unnoticeable in you but cause severe blistering in your partner.”
And just in case you missed the first part.
“Since the genital herpes virus can be transmitted through oral sex as well as vaginal sex, it is also possible that your partner caught the virus from a cold sore on your mouth or face. Remember, it is possible you can pass the herpes virus on even if you didn’t have a cold sore present at the time of contact.”

Finally, as an afterthought, she adds –

“I hope you are feeling better – I can’t remember if you have asked me how I am, or if I am in pain or discomfort. :(”

Yes. It’s totally too long for a Whatsapp message but he wouldn’t give her his email, so quite simply – fuck it. This is the litmus test of Mr Unavailable. If he really doesn’t care about her then this will be when it shows. Or rather doesn’t. Daisy fell in love with what this man projected but now, she is seeing the light. Beautiful things and people are often in some way tarnished below the surface and far better to know now than later. In a way, this nightmare is a blessing. Firstly Daisy is becoming incredibly educated on a subject which has a huge stigma, and secondly, she is seeing people for who they are.
Her bestie C was honest about her family and how common herpes is, and then even Tom was supportive and got educated so he could be her friend about this. The other possible offender is saying he will make the effort to sort this and the one person she wants to be an adult is being, unfortunately, a bit of a twat about the whole thing. Yes. It does make her sad, but at the same time her new diagnosis has given back Daisy some of her balls and gumption. Life is too short to be with people who don’t care, don’t take responsibility, or aren’t honest when push comes to shove.
He is just as much responsible for this as her and she is still upset. Daisy is trying to not being impetuous, but her heart outweighs her head. He has not once made an effort to ask about her throughout this and maybe it is time to move on. It’s with a heavy heart that Daisy presses ‘SEND’. But she knows that in life she only wants the very best, most positive people and if he isn’t going to be one of them so be it.

[2:19 PM, 5/4/2019] Daisy: I hope you are feeling better – I can’t remember if you have asked me how I am, or if I am in pain or discomfort. 😦

[4:23 PM, 5/4/2019] Mr Unavailable: Hi darling-
(As if everything can be made better by adding ‘darling’.)

I’m really not in the mood for all of this right now.

(Does he think she is? Does he think she wants to have this STD? Or be bothering him, with calling him up on his shit? NO. NO. NO!)

To be brutally honest I’m getting a bit fed up with your general attitude; normally I just brush it off.

(What fucking attitude? Honestly? Christ this man is delusional. Calm yourself, Daisy. Attitude? Perhaps he is referring to how unlike the other women he has met in his life she isn’t just let him walk over her, and onwards without the truth being pointed out? Whatever, which way, Daisy is trying not to seethe.)

But right now the pressure I am under I’m not prepared to put up with it.

(At this moment Daisy realises she is being treated like a naughty, badly behaved child. She is in disbelief. Utter disbelief.)

I’ll message you again when I am back-probably two/three weeks.
You can take some time to look after yourself and I will be in a better place.

(The land of reality?)

Keep well, and I’ll message you soon.

(I won’t hold my breath thinks Daisy. Two to three weeks? Brilliant. In that time, which might be considered ‘another’ ‘reset’ to their ‘non-existent’ relationship she is going to focus on her writing, her art, her body.
As Frank Sinatra said, ‘the best revenge is a massive success’.)

Winning the war in your mind? Winning the war with your heart maybe too. Daisy will always love Mr Unavailable, but maybe now she needs to get on with her life. There is no guarantee he will get back in contact. Indeed if he does test positive it could go one of two ways, and really unless he actually wants to be her friend will he bother? Daisy takes a deep breath and lets her inner voice remind her of the truth.
If he can’t make time for her in his life, what does that really say?
Not that she needs him to, to be honest, but every sign just seems to be pointing out his flaws.
Daisy makes a decision. If they can get through all this miscommunication and misunderstanding then maybe there will be a ‘them’, an ‘us’.
If they don’t, the writing is on the wall. End of.

Herpes myths vs facts

Herpes – myths vs facts – so you have had the news. But what is the truth of this situation? Find out here, and please, don’t panic. x

The worst thing, other than the actual diagnosis of Herpes, was the lack of knowledge Daisy had about the disease. Once she had got over the initial shock, she did the sensible thing and began to educate herself about it. The more she learned, the less bad she felt. Included below is the fact sheet that can be found on ‘The New Zealand Herpes Foundation’ website alongside a fantastic selection of other information. What Daisy keeps reminding herself is that Herpes is a skin condition, not a terminal diagnosis.

Myth: Only certain sorts of people get herpes.

Fact: No, it is very common and anyone who has ever had sex can get genital herpes. It’s not about being clean, dirty, good or bad – it’s about being normal and sexually active.

“The risk of transmitting the herpes virus can be reduced by about 50% if you use condoms.”

Myth: Herpes isn’t that common and I am unlikely to get it.

Fact: Herpes is very common and may be caused by both herpes simplex type 1 and herpes simplex type 2 (HSV-1 or HSV-2). HSV-1 causes “cold sores” on the mouth, and up to 80% of the population has this virus. However, HSV-1 may also be transmitted to the genitals through oral/genital sex and about 40% of genital herpes is caused by HSV-1. Up to 22% of sexually active adults have genital herpes caused by HSV-2. Most people with herpes will not have symptoms and therefore will not be aware they have it. 50% of people getting herpes get it from partners who are unaware they have it.

Myth: Herpes “cold sores” on the mouth are not the same as genital herpes.

Fact: Cold sores on the mouth or face are caused by HSV-1 and are commonly transmitted to the genitals (causing genital herpes) through oral to genital sex. Up to 40% of genital herpes is caused by HSV-1.

Myth: Herpes can only affect the genital area.

Fact: HSV-1 typically affects the mouth area. HSV-2 and HSV-1 affect the genitals, pubic area, buttocks, back of the thigh or inner thigh. Herpes can also occur on other parts of the body, although this is less common. On the fingers, it is known as herpes whitlow.

Myth: People always know if they have genital herpes.

Fact: No, 80% of those with genital herpes do not know they have it, as they may have no or very mild herpes symptoms.

Myth: People with herpes are always infectious.

Fact: A person with herpes is not always infectious but the herpes virus is occasionally shed from the skin when symptoms are not present. Most of the time when you don’t have herpes symptoms you are not infectious.

Myth: When you have an STI check or a cervical smear it always checks for herpes.

Fact: Routine sexual health (STI screens) checks and cervical smear tests do not screen or test for herpes. Tests for herpes can only be done if a person has symptoms and a swab is taken directly from the lesion.

Myth: People with herpes cannot have children.

Fact: Herpes does not affect fertility in either men or women, and women with genital herpes can have normal pregnancies and vaginal delivery. Herpes can be passed on to babies, but this is rare. If you are pregnant and you or your partner has herpes, tell your health care professional.

Myth: Herpes causes cervical cancer.

Fact: Herpes is not associated with cervical abnormalities or cervical cancer. These are caused by HPV (human papilloma virus), which is not herpes.

Myth: Herpes is passed through blood.

Fact: Herpes is not present in the blood. People with genital herpes can still donate blood. Genital herpes is only passed through direct skin-to-skin contact, both orally and genitally.

Myth: If you have herpes you should always wear condoms in long-term monogamous relationships.

Fact: In long-term relationships, most couples choose not to continually use condoms, and understand that getting herpes is just a part of life. (Your partner may already have herpes without being aware of it). Whilst some people may experience troublesome herpes symptoms from time to time, for the majority, herpes is not symptomatic or causes only mild symptoms. Herpes medication is available for those that need it.

Myth: If you have genital herpes you can’t have (receive) oral sex.

Fact: Herpes transmission to the mouth is uncommon.

Myth: I can pass herpes to myself from my mouth to my genitals if I accidentally touch myself.

Fact: Once you have herpes at one site, it is rare to then get the same type at another site. This is because your body develops antibodies which prevent this from happening.

Myth: It’s risky living in the same house as someone who has genital herpes.

Fact: The herpes simplex virus (HSV) is not spread through sharing communal facilities. When the herpes virus leaves living skin cells, it dies. People with genital or facial herpes are able to use the same showers, toilets, washing machines and swimming pools as anyone else, without the worry of passing on the herpes infection.

https://www.herpes.org.nz/patient-info/myths-vs-facts/

Not apportioning blame…

After the event, when the horse has bolted, what can you do? Blame serves no purpose but Daisy would still like to know the truth. Was it Mr Unavailable or Mr Big? If only so that they don’t infect someone else. Lucky both men are really mature about things. (Like shit, one of them is… 😦 )

It’s Daisy’s father’s birthday, and really if she had more energy she should get out of bed and help walk the dogs with him. But so far this week has weighed heavy on her.
From the warm folds of her soft bed linen, she sends a message to Mr Unavailable. She is fully aware, that for him right now the world is full of fear and uncertainty and perhaps her ‘gun ho’ attitude of ‘this will be ok’ didn’t go down to well last night.
Tentatively she sends the following:

[7:38 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: My GP emailed me back… again – I’m not trying to apportion blame but have either of you ever had a cold sore?

(Now she copies the email into Whatsapp for him to see – the truth is she wants to be totally honest with him.

[7:39 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: Hi Daisy,

It can happen to anyone. It was type I which is the ‘cold sore virus’. It is very common (67% of the global population under 50 have it).
People may not be aware they have it.
Both types can be transferred sexually.
It can be spread by oral sex from a person with cold sores.
I always advocate ‘safe sex’ using condoms (even for oral sex) with new partners.
In a ‘steady’ relationship it is fine to not use barrier methods if neither partner has any open cold sores.
You can treat breakouts with Zovirax tablets.

It will get better!

Best wishes

Dr T

(Daisy knows she is very lucky to have such an amazingly kind and sensitive GP. In one message, in his free evening time, he has sought to console her and drag her back from the Abyss of the end of the world where she was yesterday.)

[9:01 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Unavailable: Well I’m still waiting to hear back from the clinic; I’ll ask them as to the use of testing outside on an outbreak
Tbh my assumption is that if I have it then you would be the most likely one I have caught it from.

(Daisy feels a coldness course through her body. She rereads this. First, she reads it as him taking responsibility, and then she reads it properly and sees how he is apportioning blame on her. Fuck.)

It doesn’t necessarily matter to me from where I got it as I think it highly unlikely that I have had it for long so I don’t need to work out who I’d need to get back in touch with.

(Great, another stab at her. Thanks, darling.)

With cold sores, I don’t really get them, the only thing that springs to mind is that you had them frequently before.

(In one sentence he says what she needed to hear, and also manages to say something irrelevant. Daisy has already spoken to Mr Big and he never gets cold sores. Maths is not Daisy’s strong point but fuck-it, the evidence is pretty damming. Nice how he twists it around to her though. He was the one that plunged into her without protection, without asking. Yes, she should have said something but fuck it, really? Can he really be behaving like this?)

[9:01 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Unavailable: Btw I’m still digesting the information.

[9:06 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: My other friend has never had a cold sore.

[9:09 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Unavailable: Has he got tested then?

Daisy types something out quickly, and as her best friend Tom would say, ‘impetuously’. Her finger hovers over ‘Send’, and then she takes a deep breath and realises that this is fruitless. He is busy at work. He is stressed. He has no answers. He may even, and here she pushes the boat out for him, he may feel guilty. (Hm, unlikely, but Daisy does always try to see the best in people).
At this point, Daisy realises that this is not going to be concluded today. It won’t matter what she says to him, because right now he is really upset and fear, fear is the major driving force behind his words and action. Daisy knows the chances are it was him that gave it to her. The odds for someone with the cold sore virus, just happening to be the person that last had sex with her before she had symptoms is just too obvious for words.
The message she wants to send is this.

“I’m really upset by all this.
Assumptions aren’t healthy neither is blame.
We were both hugely irresponsible and are fortunate that this wasn’t something worse.
He is going to get tested – I am not going to jump to conclusions but he is a lot older than us and has never had a cold sore in his life. I slept with him for years back when we dated and never had a problem. The symptoms didn’t start until after we slept together (positive because I’m a worst-case scenario if he did give it to me you might be fine) but odd that it was after you and not him.
So if you get tested and don’t have it – great 👍🏻
If you get tested and do have it and your results come back before his – well the odds are on you but at least you know now and can be aware for the future.
I had a completely clear test on the 11th of March – at the end of the day whichever way this goes I’m the one that so far has born the brunt of the symptoms.”

But the reality is that this won’t help the situation. Instead, she needs to persuade Mr Big to go and get tested.

She had started by asking Mr Big this morning if he had had a cold sore. If this is what has caused the problem then this is most likely the culprit.

[6:09 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Big: Never had one.

[7:30 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: Well I suppose you have always been pretty fit haven’t you x

[7:31 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Big: Fit, healthy and clean X

[7:32 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: X

[9:07 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: Please can you get checked out ASAP as the jerk of a guy I slept with is blaming me x and I think it was him x

[9:10 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Big: Careful who you sleep with. X

[9:17 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: Just you both x

(Doesn’t Daisy know it. One of these two is a mature, responsible adult. The other one is throwing his toys out of the pram. Isn’t it ironic that the behaviour she wishes Mr Unavailable would demonstrate is actually being shown by the man with thirty years head start on him.)

[9:17 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: Such an idiot.

[9:17 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: I’ve not slept with anyone for years and then I was stupid twice

[9:18 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: When can you get tested?

[9:33 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Big: When I get a chance

[9:34 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: There’s a blow job in it for you and making me a happy girl x

(Daisy likes giving blog jobs. Especially to people, she cares about, and in this instance perhaps a blow job may incentivise Mr Big to get this sorted.)

[9:46 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: Or maybe you could ask your GP but this would also work if you turned up for opening or booked an appointment x last bother of you I promise but I’m so upset by all this xxx

[10:02 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Big: I’ll get a full check up so you know I’m clean and unlikely to drop dead having sex with you. X
Considering he is a funeral director, it’s not like this would be a huge problem. But having seen a film where the President drop dead during intercourse with his PA Daisy is always aware of the possibilities of these things.

[10:03 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: That would be wonderful! What an incredibly kind and caring thing to do x

(And how calm and considerate.)

[10:13 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Big: That’s just me, I enjoy your company it doesn’t always have to end with sex. X

(No, it doesn’t. But it’s fun when it does and he is a kind and considerate vanilla lover. It could never ‘work, work’ with him. But it does ‘work’ for them in its own special way.)

[1:18 PM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: It’s so nice to be corresponding with a grown up. A nice mature calm one at that. Hope your day is going well. X