My father starts shouting at my mother and I.
“It’s not my stuff! And I’m bored with bring surrounded by it! It’s costing me money! You’ve got to throw more stuff out!”
I’m genuinely intrigued as to how my, my sister and my mother’s possessions are causing him to lose income and venture the question.
“Rental income!” he bellowed, as if speaking in a normal volume might not quite get the point across.
“Oh how much?” I ask, wondering if a figure will in some way help illuminate why a calm man is now snarling at us and treating the two members of his audience as selfish imbeciles.
“Ha! Well it’s not quantifiable!” he huffs, before snatching at a scrap of paper which must have dangerously entered the house this morning unsanitized through the letter box.
“But this man wants to rent space!”
I stand quite still evaluating the situation for a moment, and my mother supportively rubs my arm. We have had three weeks of steady, industrious work, moving, then emptying boxes. Packing things up for the charity shop and then taking them there. I cleared an office studio for us both to do art in, and revealed a space to put in a double WC, which gives an idea of our progress but we did realise this was only a start.
Old me would have exploded. Shouting and screaming that we were trying and it was hard, and I was always tired and fatigued and on top of that I’m bloody scared. Terrified in fact that at some point someone will fuck up and one of us will get sick. It would only take one person to get it, and this family of three might become one or even sadder none.
“What about my sisters stuff, why don’t you ask and see if they could pay to rent some space until they could take her things?”
“No point. I might as well just throw them out.”
“Throw them out? Without consulting her? I’m not sure that’s very nice..”
“It’s what her husband would do!”
My sisters husband is ruthless but I’m unconvinced at this point he is a good inspirational thought leader as my sister still hasn’t recovered from some of his removals from her life.
I go down stairs and take a Vitality Supplement. Stroke the dogs and then return upstairs. I’m on route to meditate but I will just stick my head through the door briefly.
“Daddy I just want to thank you for letting my sister and I store our possessions for free for so long. It was my and I think her impression that this was a gift to us and not a problem but clearly things have changed and as such will need resolving. I appreciate your bringing clarity to this situation and thank you again for your past kindness.”
I go upstairs to the second bedroom where I am camped and looks a little like a tornado rolled through it. I turn on my heated blanket and climb onto bed to meditate. As the warmth envelopes me I realise that if I get taken out by Corona everything will get chucked anyway. So I pen a further note to parents via WhatsApp.
It reads “I should be dead in a month, why not wait until then when you can throw everything out with far less stress”
Mother replies – “Relax”
Reiki practitioner is kindly giving me long distance reiki and did yesterday. She asks how I am getting on.