Unedited: “Fuckable”?

Unedited: Fuckable (I will come back to this in a few days so please excuse the errors.)

Fuckable

She wondered if he would crack. There is barely ten miles between them now that he is back visiting his mother in the nearest local town. The weather has turned cool, and she has wondered at his silence, but as it’s now not unusual so she hasn’t fretted in the way she used to with other men.

He isn’t like the other men she has known. And to be frank she hasn’t known him but, they have an understanding between them that is something more than the normal lust of lovers. Their connection is very different.

He is, The Family Friend. And as such he has been in her life since she was a babe in arms. The change in their non-existent relationship has been only in the past year, and she is delighted to have suddenly come to his attention. She feels it is the first real sign that creative visualization actually works and as such she is still remarkably disbelieving about it. She always wanted him to notice her, and now that she does she is torn between the excitement of knowing she is wanted and the ultimate cynic within that warns her that if they did ever consummate their passion it could be disappointing.

But now as winter approaches, and the nights draw in, a month into her new abode, she is learning to be patient, and just let things be.

She is sitting on the sofa next to her father when the half-naked torso appears on her laptop screen. (Whatsapp app running quietly in the background of her multi-tasking). Although she doubts her father is interested in her screen she does turn the computer sharply round to hide the contents and hopes the smile that has spread so quickly across her face isn’t all too obvious.

In her mind, to herself, she quietly says, “I wonder how long it would be before you cracked”. Of course, she didn’t know that he would. He has his son with him and they pack the days full, boys being what she assumes they are. Endless energy packed into packages of spinning fireworks so that young boys must be tired out with biking and surfing and walking and playing…

[9:00 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF Evening shower time. X

Muscles, flesh pulled tight over a body she wants to stroke. Hello, there big boy. The picture ends before his member, but she has seen it many times before and now it’s like the music coming from the orchestra before the curtains rise. She knows what’s coming, and it’s always a reassuring lovely surprise.

[9:06 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: Tease 😍

What can she send him? Recently, due to the circumstances beyond her control, her pictures have been tame. It’s been hard to feel sexy when your weight suddenly rockets through a menstrual cycle you can barely understand or register. So instead you worry you are growing obese through an unhealthy interest in digestives… Limited space. A Separation from her wardrobe, all of these things haven’t made ‘sexy provocative pictures a priority, but in the last few days as her corset swelled to the point she could just imagine what it might be like to have a boob job, her nipples, pert and hard had spilled out of her Elle McPherson Intimates favourite lace number, and now that picture is the return calling card she sends.

[9:06 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: Popping out slightly…

[9:08 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF Well you can have the uncropped one if you ask.

[9:09 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF Clearly that bra is too small for those pert breasts.

[9:09 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: Pretty please with a cherry 🍒on top although I’ve always preferred licking off Nutella x

She doesn’t realise that her humour is bizarre and odd until it’s sent ut the idea of licking Nutella off his hard cock is exciting on many levels. She can imagine the chocolate nutty taste, and how her tongue would curve up and around, up and down. Sucking and licking, until he was all clean, well clean enough…

[9:10 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF That we will have to work on.

An idea not unpleasant to him, she is delighted that perhaps he too is imagining this fun activity that they could share.

[9:12 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: Blessed with a tongue I thought was for wine tasting… how wrong I was!

[9:32 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF Some people grow into their attributes.

As he undoubtedly does when he swells she knows too well. And maybe also this too refers to how they are no longer awkward children. Instead, supposedly competent adults. Supposedly navigating life with understanding and with purpose, if not ease…

He then sends another shot, that shows more, and her heart skips a beat. She drinks in his body. Wow. What a body. All her past suitors were either overweight or didn’t care, or couldn’t. Family Friend has made it a goal to have a body like this and she thinks he appreciates her appreciation. In some ways their friendship is the mutual appreciation club – she wanting to be fuckable. Him wanting to be wanted by someone ‘safe’ who won’t, who couldn’t break his wounded heart.

[9:40 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: Wow – Well said btw x There is a body to make a few hearts skip a beat this summer on the beach 🏖

[9:43 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF Well Mexico next month I hope. The job there for a month pre Christmas.

[10:14 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: WOW – your reading of creative visualisation is working rather well isn’t it? 🙂

[10:18 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF Yes. Think and create what I want – How are things going for you?

[10:21 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: Do you have a vision board?

[10:21 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF Not yet. But I now know what I want.

[10:22 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: It really does feel like it works – (In her head she thinks about how long she wanted him to notice her, and now here he is, the unobtainable, once married, once living in Africa, now back where she can almost touch him)

You have to believe = and sometimes that’s hard – but I won’t give up on my goals. My dreams. My plans – I’ve got this far – it’s not over yet.

It all goes quiet so she sends the pictures of her two most recent fanciable fitties. She knows she probably shouldn’t. But she also knows she probably should. He says he doesn’t want a relationship. He says he doesn’t want a partner, just a fuck buddy, and she is trying to get her head around this. Trying to know that if by some divine force she ever felt him within her, she shouldn’t overthink it. She shouldn’t big it up. It shouldn’t become the thing she has wanted all her life. It should just be a fuck, and so for that reason, he needs to know she is still looking. Still open to finding someone else. Still…. Oh still, in love with the idea of a man that doesn’t probably exist, that is him.

[10:32 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: The unobtainable sky man who dies think I’m a ‘fittie’ and ‘if this was different would work but isn’t so there we are’

[10:32 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: And the chef

[10:37 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: How old is Casper now?

[10:38 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF 12.10. Think 0-12 in year terms.

[10:39 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF Dude I’m 46. Wish I was 40.

To her, he is ageless. But in her mother’s eyes, that’s a perfect age, and she knows too well in her mother’s eyes, he is perfect. Perfectly unavailable in reality but hey ho.

[10:39 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: Shut up. You men have it easy

[10:40 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: Thank god I gave up hedonism. Bloody ageing

[10:40 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF Not from the last pic you sent.

What she actually meant that a life of drink and occasional flirtation with drugs was ageing, but now thanks to a recipe of retinol and moisturiser she is hoping she might stave it off.

[10:41 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF See. Fuckable.

[10:42 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: Thank you darling – appreciated – right back at you 😉

[10:49 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF We should sort the camera out and play.

(Fuck. She hopes he doesn’t mean live? What can she say in response to that? She is saving herself for the real thing? No. Too scary. She doesn’t want to ruin it by not being in control of the angles and the lighting? No. That opens it up too much to him thinking about how imperfect she might be. No, the best thing to do is ignore the message and carry on with watching TV. Don’t all the articles say to ignore what you don’t like? Not rise to it?

[11:14 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF You in heels and not a lot else.

Fuck, that could be sexy. If she could find her shoes of course.

[11:14 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: Well in 250 boxes when I have found my heels I will get back to you lol

[11:15 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: The RAC club next Thursday – so I need to find something to wear tomorrow – I am thinking last Christmas’s dress. (To explain it she goes on) I am applying for membership as if I get in it’s £180 a night –

[11:15 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF Yes that would work. Still, think of you in that.

[11:15 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: and I want a London bolt hole

[11:20 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF That is a must.

They are on the same page, and then she has it, that delightful idea, of being at the club working on her writing, and then feeling aroused texting him.

Her – “Are you busy?”

Him – “No…”

Her – “Come fuck me…”

She would give her room number and slip upstairs to find something suitable. Perhaps a red lace number, the one with the ribbon that holds it together in all the important places? And of course, the heels to go with it. Then he would knock, and she would call him in, and he would eat her with his eyes, slip off his jacket, and his shoes, and in socked feet, silently across the room to where she stands at the end of the bed. They will stand there, so close and yet, not touching. Her looking up into his steely blue eyes. Him looking down into her pools of emotive azure. And then he will lean down and kiss her, his hand sliding around the back of her head and one around her back and his tongue will find hers. It is the kiss that will never be because he has told him he never kisses women he doesn’t love, so it’s all the more delicious. All the more, scrumptious.

He will push her back onto the bed. Back and up spread her legs, her heels still on and lower his head between her thighs…

[11:20 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: Tomorrow I will be scaling boxes to find it – what fun! -Delicious yum scrumptious

[11:22 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF That would be a starting point…. You in that dress.

Another picture follows and she hopes desperately that her technology will not fail her.

[11:22 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: If my the charge runs out on my Hitachi Wand I may cry 😢Binaural beats has to be on super loud as the walls are paper thin lol

[11:27 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF Hope you are enjoying that wand.

I want to see. Might need to play.

She finds another picture to send him.

[11:46 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF Don’t that has made me very hard.

In the downstairs bathroom, she takes two bras. The one she is wearing and a bright pink see-through lace with black edging. This one lets her nipples show through. She rubs them gently, loving how they harden with her touch.

[11:48 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: And should I keep this one? 🙄

[11:49 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF That I’d like to suck. I need to shoot you.

[11:50 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: When I’ve lost a stone maybe

[11:51 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: I don’t trust photographers at all as I know I’m not typically attractive and have many unflattering angles

[11:51 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF That is just not legal. Well, I’d always seek to make you bend in the right way.

[11:53 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: I never come out well in other peoples

pictures 🙄so I avoid them

[11:53 PM, 10/27/2019] DAISY: So kind lol. And, Jeez I would love to find a guy who wanted to do yoga with me and push and pull into odd angles lol

[11:54 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF Well we could try… As a friend, we could do it.

(Confusing she thinks – of course, they are friends..)

[11:59 PM, 10/27/2019] TFF Did you play with your toy? Can I ask for more?

(He wants to see her pussy. Her neat and yet natural lower region and there is nothing attractive about the hair there or body down there. She knows it’s unfeminist. She knows she should embrace the natural look, but she doesn’t, she can’t. She prefers the smooth look. The smooth feel. She can’t bear the thought of him getting something in his mouth, god forbid in his teeth. Urgh. She wants to wretch just thinking about it…)

[12:15 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Best imagined – I can’t bare the natural look 🙄the Only benefit is that I’ve reduced it down and softened it… and if I find a decent wax place down here I will immediately let you know 😉

[12:16 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF Well I’d still love to see.

[12:17 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Again reassurance that I’m not a lesbian and purely a tad bi is that there is nothing attractive down there lol

[12:17 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF Well to be honest like a bit of hair

(In the past he has categorically agreed with her he prefers no hair so it’s rather amusing this turnaround, and pretty much proves that men will say anything to see a picture of pussy. Anything indeed.)

She giggles. He does make her chuckle.

[12:17 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Lol you would say that lol (And as an afterthought) It’s why we should never go to bed together lol I laugh at all the wrong moments

[12:19 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF Good.

(She assumes this is to the chuckle but is it?)

[12:19 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: You would take your clothes off and I would be thinking 🤔oh dear god am I dead?

(Because it would be like a dream come true…)

So be laughing 😂and you might think I was amused at something about you but no – I’m just laughing at life.

(And how I finally have what I always wanted – you – and now I don’t know what the fuck to do with it! You!)

[12:21 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: It’s a terrible habit

[12:21 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF I’m sure it is.

[12:24 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: How about some arse?

[12:24 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Fair compromise?

She takes a picture of her bottom. It’s not toned. It’s not tanned. But it is a bottom shot. She realises she must google and research bottom shots.

[12:24 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Or is that like someone asking for an orange and getting a banana?

(A bottom shot for penis shot perhaps?)

[12:24 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF Now I’m very hard.

[12:24 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Orange for banana actually works then

[12:24 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF Like to open you up.

[12:25 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Spread me out?

[12:25 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF And fill you.

[12:27 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Gag me too… So I don’t laugh inopradiong… Inappropriately

[12:28 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF Take the bra off.

[12:28 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF My fingers would be in your mouth to stop that.

(She slides the bra down to reveal one nipple. Then another. Then topless..)

[12:29 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Enough to work with Sir?

[12:30 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: 😉

[12:30 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF No I want to see your legs open to cum over.

[12:31 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Ahh that’s on the premium channel – we are still just on free view 😉

[12:32 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Find a good pussy on the internet and stick it on me x

[12:32 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Must sleep tiger Well I lie

[12:32 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Must wand

[12:32 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: But then must sleep

[12:32 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Are you aroused

[12:33 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF Well yes.

[12:33 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: May I see?

[12:33 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF Film your wand… If you wish.

[12:33 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: I wish I could 🙄no soundproofing so I’m under covers

[12:34 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF Oh dear.

[12:34 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Yes oh dear indeed – parents may pop round tomorrow with curry – you don’t need to hide as I will be out 😉

[12:35 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF Shame… Next time you will get a big hug. Hands-on inappropriate places.

[12:37 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF We are out. Let them know. Mother working and Casper and I are riding.

[12:37 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Ah – ok 👍🏼

[12:38 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Have a lovely time.

(The final shot she sends is one from above. Her face, her breasts, her scar and just enough to suggest what lies downstairs. Her eyes penetrate the lens. She is asking for him. Asking for him to fill her. She wonders if he can tell.)

[12:38 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF Gosh you are so fuckable.

(Wow. Finally. She has waited so long for someone like him to say something like that about some like her. It’s one word but it’s priceless in the eyes of the ugly duckling that she was, and still so often thinks she is. To her, she is still the acne covered 15 years old, with the unattractive pixie cut, awkward and unsure, boys almost allergic to her clumsy advances. So much she didn’t know. So much even now she is sure she doesn’t. Fuckable. Her? Really? But if he says it, maybe just maybe it is true…?)

[12:38 AM, 10/28/2019] DAISY: Hope I start meeting some decent sorts of who think that x

(then as an afterthought) I may forget how to do it otherwise!

(and joking) Oh gosh is that a penis? Or are you holding a banana 🍌

Must sleep now… Night night x

[12:41 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF Night night miss.

[12:42 AM, 10/28/2019] TFF I’m sure you don’t need practice.

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