Ghosting – when did politeness die? I would have sent flowers…

When did politeness die? I would have sent a condolence card.
In today’s world, the lack of blue ticks in Whatsapp can say so much. But what about when they do go blue? And then, Radio Silence?

“Thanks for your message, but I’m scratching my arse and too busy to get back to you.”
Or maybe,
“Hmm, totally crazy let’s leave things here.”
Although it could be –
“I have just been struck by lightning after reading your message so will never be able to answer as I am now dead.”

But no. Let’s just leave two blue tacks hanging there.

All they have to say is, ‘I’m sorry, I’m not interested in communicating anymore with you’. Then like an adult, archive or delete the Whatsapp conversation. It’s very straight forward, in no way rocket science. So I am left bemused as to why so many men I have been in contact seem to find this hard. The recurring factor is me, so I will accept that maybe me being so open and friendly maybe a stumbling block and in the future aim to employ the same ‘don’t give a fuck’ attitude they seem to things so totally fine to apply to me and other women.

I’m getting rather bored with men going quiet on me. I’m not doing anything odd, extravagant or kooky, and so, I’m left in this purgatory of ‘what the fuck happened?’ which is a waste of my brainpower and a space on my ‘Dance Card’ of life.

Modern dating has changed everything. In the past we had human interaction, the bravery to approach someone in person and say, ‘Excuse me, but would you like to grab a coffee sometime?’, instead of hiding behind phone screens and busy lives. Being able to window shop for the ‘perfect’ partner has spoiled us. We create ridiculous lists of essential criteria, which if we met someone fun and interesting at a party, we would disregard in an instant. Yet, in our ivory towers, we merrily swipe this way and that, and in our unknowing rudeness, disregard the norms of politeness.

I’ve always been fond of men who open doors, stand up when I return to the table, or who run round to open a car door for me. It might seem over the top but in fact, it’s a sign of chivalry that is delightful in an age where many of their sex think nothing of ‘ghosting’, ‘cloaking’ or just simply being bloody rude.

In one notable incident in the past twelve months, I did fear for one mans life after he disappeared without a trace, after a series of quite normal bits of chatty, banter correspondence. Surely, if his phone had been broken, misplaced or stolen, he might have found another way to contact me? To reassure me that that last message, innocent as it was had not been misinterpreted… A girl left, dangling either on a message read and then never responded too, is no more a pretty sight than to see a freshly plucked bird hanging outside the butcher. Both dangle unceremoniously, above the earth, wondering what their fate may be. But the reality is that the girl, poor soul, who did begin to hope that maybe this man was something different, had potential and possibility and maybe care for ‘him’ whoever he might be was just trying to negotiate this mine filled the world of modern dating.

When the said individual did return he blamed, work, lack of reception in the coffee shop sponsored by a big brand that would like have had wireless even in the world ended, and the girl did, eventually, realise he was a Mr Unavailable. But that message?

Two blue ticks are a cruel way to leave a girl. But I’m beginning to think that if these men think it’s ok to ‘ghost’ in real life, maybe Karma may even the score. Wouldn’t it be nice to think that they get haunted for real at a later point? Is that mean? Hmm. I’m not sure it’s not actually just fair…

This is a lovely article on how to see the signs that someone may be about to ‘ghost’ on you. But if in doubt, just move on. If he can’t be arsed to get back to you he isn’t worth your time.

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