Saturday 28th: TFF: He hasn’t noticed me….

TFF: The Family Friend

He hadn’t noticed me. The family friend I secretly fancy, has not noticed me at all. Our brief flirtation with danger had passed. As he drove away I comforted myself with the thought that by my going to bed early we had managed to avoid any messiness or confusion. As much as this man had clearly shown me that my infatuation with the messed-up toxic boy was that and only that, he was not unmarked himself and came with a wardrobe full of issues. I felt the ground below me was not the place I wished to be in: I was on the right road to obtaining my goal. Which is him.

The worst-case scenario, as I could have seen it, was that in a moment of lustful late night sober hot summer nights inebriation, I might have sent some provocative photos to him as he lay tossing and restless in the adjacent room. The warmth of the night, the stillness of the hot air combined with the pleasant ease of our early evening interaction could have led all too easily into his arousal and then what?

Well. What I could not have let happen was the consummation of our passion. As much as I yearned to feel his lips against mine, to begin to explore his mouth with my tongue and softly caress his muscular neck and head, to do it now, so soon, without really knowing each other? Lunacy.

I do love him. Undoubtedly so and with the familiarity of someone close and akin to a brother – a step-brother for the propriety’s sake. But how can I know him when I have barely scratched the surface of knowing anything of him?  I know he loves to cycle and to surf and that through his career he is a dab hand behind most lenses but do I know the man? No, and that requires time and energy, the latter of which I am really lacking in right now.  And there’s another thing. If by some ill-fated moment of madness we were to fall into bed, well, he is a pro athlete and me, I’m a patient in recovery, blighted by fatigue that dogs me like a bad smell. The problem of course is I can already imagine what he would want and expect of me: fast, furious, hot, wet sex and based upon the inconsistency of my saliva production, my oral attentions would of physical necessity be of the slow, steady, considered and artistic variety and I suspect he is more International in his desires than that, so actually I am relieved; relieved that I have avoided disappointment when we have fucked so many times in my head, the real thing could never really be so good.

The hours pass gently and thoughts turn to my puppy. She has rolled in something unpleasantly malodorous and so, a little later,  and with my Father along for company we head off on an adventure to the local Pets At Home store to buy some powerfully aromatic shampoo that we hope will wash away the reek of countryside! While there we inquire about dog baths but all they have is dog paddling pools and in a moment of rash abandonment, I spend the last of my money on one. My Father looks at me quizzically and I explain that with the temperature is forecast to rise steeply I want both our dogs to be able to keep cool. Of course, I’ve also secretly considered that in the worst heatwave scenario, I’d not think twice about sitting in it myself and have already visualised the scene: a glass of non-alcoholic wine in my hand, sunglasses fashionably atop my head, and a dog or perhaps two, beside me? I’m already planning the Instagram post in my head…

Back home, my mother has stretched out an extension lead onto the wooden deck so she can iron of all the family’s clothes in the shade of the awning. She doesn’t have to do it and she certainly doesn’t have to do it now but she does anyway simply because she loves us all, even those who have left home. Some mothers bake healthy seed bars and cupcakes with buttercream and sprinkles for those they love. My mother irons. Everyone has their way of showing affection. I really I have no idea why she is doing it now though, in the midst of this almost European heat. It’s a mystery.

My father works his way methodically through his Newspaper and then, much to her annoyance, my Mother’s Newspaper too. The unexpected heat of Summer has suddenly made the garden feel like a foreign land and, when a little breeze blows through, we are pleasantly surprised: so easily delighted! I ask my father to help with the dog paddling pool, and within seconds it is up. Then we start to fill it, and soon the fun begins as we try to tempt the dogs into it. My puppy gets the idea first; her youthful enthusiasm bubbling through as she prances in and out.  The older dog, despite loving the sea is less enamoured and takes to leaning over as far as he can to try and reach the ball of temptation we have thrown in. Eventually, he cracks, they both have the idea, we all laugh at the fun of it. They aren’t my children but they have the innocence of children and the desire to play. I relish their boundless enthusiasm.

When later it becomes cooler, I start to cook. I love my mother so much, and although I have managed to scrimp together some money for gifts I believe it will be my baking that will prove my adoration. Realistically though, of course, it won’t. She doesn’t bake. She doesn’t comprehend the stress of accurately weighing out the ingredients; the fear that rises as you implore the cake to do. Oh, the anxiety of the wait! Will it rise?  For everything to be ready in time tomorrow the only sensible thing to do will be to rise at around six am – but making a start now, well that’s a start!

By the evening we are ready for the last episode of ‘The Looming Tower’, a fantastic bit of dramatization about 911. Jeff Daniels’ performance is excellent, and the inclusion of genuine footage of the hijackers is chilling. By the time the inevitable occurs, we are cold with fear and incredulous of the CIA.  As the Towers are hit, we have transported there again and yet again I find myself confronted with the reality of how life is so fleeting and so haphazard. unplanned.  We don’t know how long we have. We don’t know the plans of others. We only have now and we must live in the moment and appreciate the now for what it is and what we can make of it.

Afterwards, we switch over to watch Glastonbury and ‘The Killers’ are playing. I watch with envy at the revellers, the crowds, the darkness and the swaying lights of the phones held up to the performers. I’ve wanted to go to Glastonbury ever since I became aware of it but money and then health has always held me back. Now, now that I have been touched by the closeness of death, and the subsequent possibility of organ rejection I know I must not wait for the “right” moments: I must make the ‘right moments’ myself.

I go upstairs for a shower. It’s been so hot today that I covered myself in some suntan lotion called P20, which seals and protects your skin and then . . . .

“Fuck it!” And so I message him.

[7:46 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: How did the rest of your day go?

[7:54 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Well it’s too hot to paint. In organising mode. Fixing the bike.

What did you get up to?

[8:00 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: Currently in the shower 🚿 lol funny coincidence

(It’s a funny coincidence because back when this all began she had sent him some photos from the shower. It had been art. That was her excuse. A personal desire to create an erotic image on a woman showering with the water, cascading down on to her naked form. The curves of her body sensual in the half-light. She had, originally just wanted an opinion. She hadn’t known that it would excite him. Set his mind racing. Quicken his pulse and make him reach for himself to quiet the urge that now pulsated within him.

[8:01 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: That I will be doing soon. Need a cold shower.

And then, as an afterthought.

[8:02 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Show me.

She shouldn’t. She should resist. She should. But she doesn’t.

[8:05 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: And will I get one back?

[8:06 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: If you ask.

[8:07 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Shame you disappeared last night. Would have been nice to play with you and your many toys.

[8:07 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: Mr Scott, Miss requests a photo of you enjoying your shower 🚿 this is open to the interpretation of course… 😉

[8:08 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: You asked for no temptations – so there were none. 😉

[8:17 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Should have opened that up for interpretation.

[8:19 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Looking skinny miss!

[8:25 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: First world problems – too much nipple for dinner

[8:26 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: But not in clothes 😉

[8:31 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Well that would have been fun to play with last night. Instead, I smashed my head and woke up hard.

[8:56 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: Feel rubbish about your head… sorry 😐

[8:56 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: In other news… Did you wake up hard? Now I am disappointed I missed that! 😜

[9:13 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Well at 1:17. I was thinking about you then just smashed my head.

[9:14 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: Oh was that why you went to your phone…?

[9:14 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: Gawd – I am feeling so bad now!

[9:14 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Yes!

[9:14 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Thought I’d pester you and wanted to play.

[9:14 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: Although that could be the world pointing out we should behave in real life. or we will be punished. lol

[9:15 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: True.

[9:15 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: Gawd… you are so so dangerous…

[9:15 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: Not complaining!

[9:16 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: I am. Not exactly sensible…

[10:04 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: I’m still waiting…

[10:04 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: 📷 ? 😉

[10:10 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Want to see you cuming

[10:26 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: Ha knew I should have held back until I had a written confirmation of mutual reciprocation lol

[10:27 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Shower time

[10:27 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: Killers are on at Glastonbury

[10:27 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Oh I love them.

 

I’m thrilled with a shared connection. Maybe we aren’t so different after all?

 

[10:27 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: Me too

[10:28 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Distracted me

[10:28 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: I’ve spent my life waiting for money and health to go to Glastonbury- next year – fuck it – I’m going

[10:29 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: God my head hurts from the bang.

 

He had banged his head on a shelf in the early hours of the morning, and although I have apologised several times for the awkwardness of household fitting I really don’t know how many times I can apologise and make anything better. Why does he keep bringing it up?

 

[10:32 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: I’m not really sure what to say 🙄

[10:32 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: Go and distract yourself?

[10:33 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: Sorry 😐 doesn’t really do much

[10:34 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Don’t worry. Time to cum in the shower

[10:39 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Like to see your pussy filled as I cum over you.

[11:20 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: I would like to be kissed by those amazing lips but hey ho – but no chance of that so looks like neither of us may get what we want for now…

[11:21 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Well you never know.

 

Why Scott? Why? You wouldn’t mean it. You know you wouldn’t. But there you go, raising up my hopes. Making me think that maybe I stand a chance in the world of 9/10 and people like you. On a good day, I am an 8. But that’s through and down to mind, my looks aren’t much, but the package is.

 

[11:21 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Like to sink my tongue in your wet pussy.

 

Oh god, I moisten at the thought.

 

[11:26 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: I’ve got a brilliant little vibrator which strokes me delightfully…. but fingers that stroke is always better… then a tongue flicking, licking, twisting over and around… meow…

 

And then in answer to his previous comment.

 

[11:27 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: And ha – I know the score so I’m not holding my breath 😉😘

[11:28 PM, 6/29/2019] Scott: Thought about two fingers in deep and pulling our hard to make you squirt. Think about my arm tense and my fingers in you deep.

[11:58 PM, 6/29/2019] Daisy: Nice thoughts to take to bed with me…

 

[12:02 AM, 6/30/2019] Scott: Hard thinking of your beautiful breasts as I hugged you.

[12:04 AM, 6/30/2019] Daisy: Meanwhile I was there thinking – “Hmm… at what point is this hug too long? And therefore inappropriate? Why has no one come up with timings for these things? And Christ wow – what a nice body…”

[12:07 AM, 6/30/2019] Scott: Love our hugs as I feel your beautiful breasts close to my chest.

 

I am now noting that a good way to get him aroused our hugs. The closeness of proximity. And maybe perhaps body warmth combined with touch? Next time I must try and hug him more. Be the huggable I can be…

 

[12:08 AM, 6/30/2019] Daisy: Greatly relieved that when I can eventually afford to go on holiday and (if you aren’t otherwise loved up with someone or busy) I ask you along -topless sunbathing will not be awkward.

 

[12:18 AM, 6/30/2019] Scott: Don’t I’m hard.

 

I take a selfie with a bra strap off my shoulder, the suggestion of my nipple just revealed.

 

[12:22 AM, 6/30/2019] Daisy: Sometimes less is more x

[12:24 AM, 6/30/2019] Scott: As in you did not fuck me.

[12:28 AM, 6/30/2019] Scott: Shame you did not take me.

[12:37 AM, 6/30/2019] Daisy: The days of me making the first moves on a one night stand are over – I’m only assertive when I know it’s mine to take – boring but reliably short of risk

[12:38 AM, 6/30/2019] Scott: Yep mine too.

[12:40 AM, 6/30/2019] Scott: Shame would have been fun watching you cum and your nipples getting hard

[12:43 AM, 6/30/2019] Daisy: I would have loved to see you get hard x

 

I start to slide my vibrator in deeper. Allowing it to stroke my inner walls. By changing my angle I can get it to feel as though I am astride him and I close my eyes and let the moans rise up inside me.

My phone beeps, but I am too involved. Whatever it is will need to wait.

By the time I have reached a crescendo of melting pleasure, my phone screen is alight again.

 

[12:46 AM, 6/30/2019] Scott: I’m playing now.

[12:48 AM, 6/30/2019] Scott: Do you want to cum together

[12:50 AM, 6/30/2019] Daisy: Sorry 😐 I couldn’t wait…

[12:51 AM, 6/30/2019] Daisy: I thought you had gone to sleep which is why I didn’t wait sorry 😐

[12:54 AM, 6/30/2019] Scott: I wanted you on me.

[12:56 AM, 6/30/2019] Daisy: Funnily enough that was my (just now) choice of angle – but it would have been too slow for you in real life.

 

I send through the shot of me and my toy.

 

[12:59 AM, 6/30/2019] Daisy: Sleep well naughty one x don’t worry I will be the sensible one for now!

[1:12 AM, 6/30/2019] Daisy: One last thought – do you think you might ever want to just lie in bed with me? Cuddle or spoon? Without doing anything?

Or to be blunt – because life is too short and I hope you always can be honest with me – is it just the sex you want?

 

She waits for a bit. Restless now. Wanting an answer. Checking her phone, and then, eventually giving into sleep.

On waking, she checks her phone.

 

[1:28 AM, 6/30/2019] Scott: Yes. I want you to suck me as I fill you.

 

Ignoring the fact that she can’t for the life of her work out how this setup would work, here we are back to stage one. I try not to be disappointed. Realistically it’s much better to know he just sees me as sex, them mutually enjoying getting off, and not risking getting hurt. If I can now try and play the long game, maybe, even, ignore him for a bit? Could I manage that? I could surely get on with my writing? That’s what I must do… but first, a selfie! By twisting my hair up it’s gone into voluptuous rolls so I let it unfurl and tumble and turns to the window for the best light. It’s a sensible and serious selfie. In my bra. My cleavage curves seductively and my lips are moistened with gloss and the suggestion of more. I send it.

 

[10:48 AM, 6/30/2019] Daisy: Have a great positive and productive day x

[10:54 AM, 6/30/2019] Scott: Thank you. You too.

[10:55 AM, 6/30/2019] Daisy: And don’t worry 😉 you’ve been Captain Sensible for a long time, I can wear the uniform for a bit now 😉

 

Yes, she can.

 

 

2 thoughts on “Saturday 28th: TFF: He hasn’t noticed me….

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