’The Fuckoliday’ – When you really shouldn’t..

You know when you really shouldn’t, but the pull of sex, a good hotel and probably some damn good food appeals? Yeah, I’m a sucker for the ‘Fuckoliday’.

Let’s be honest, sex is a hit and miss affair, but a high thread count? The smell before you see them of warm from the oven croissants as they arrive on the morning breakfast tray, alongside the superb service of a high end restaurant? Some things you can depend on. Decent sex? An orgasm? Er, not in my world. Service from the hospitality industry? Almost always and if not how often can you rate your lover on TripAdvisor?

And if this ‘Fuckoliday’ might include a holiday to a different country? Well, no one should ever say no to a holiday is the motto written under ‘Carpet diem’ on my invisible tattoo. Life is short. Grab it by the balls. Have the holiday.

This is how one ends up with lovers. I try to think of myself as ‘terribly bohemian’, it’s better than worrying about being a slut which is a male slur upon our sex anyway. But yes, in the past 48 hours I’ve been invited to San Francisco for a week of fucking and Cambridge for the same. If these two little vacations come off I will be both delighted and surprised at how my life has turned in such an interesting direction.

Can I pass myself off as a modern bohemian? Lady of pleasure? Or do I risk spreading myself too thin?

I once dreamed of Sugardaddies but hate sex with strangers or people I don’t find attractive so that was flawed from the get go. The other issue is the extraction of support from men with ample bank accounts. No one wants to think they are paying for sex, so don’t bring up three dates worth of dinners or the cinema tickets. Like they don’t count much? Sex is a transaction whether we like it or not, and how much a partner invests in us prior to coitus will be evaluated without doubt. Don’t get me wrong if you can’t take us out that doesn’t necessarily go against you as we are always secretly looking for ‘real love’. But realistically as part of that need for a provider if you can’t drive, have moved back home and consider work to be a hobby next to video games we are unlikely to want to see your dick or swallow your sperm. (Yes, I’m still pretending to myself it has a protein count number to it so I can reach my macros).

So introduce a not-unattractive man, solvent, with taste, and yes, our ears will prick up. My nose will twitch, and just maybe I will sneak a look to see if my passport is still in date.

All sounding good? Yes, but…

Someone once said ‘All experience is good experience’ but they probably didn’t suffer from fatigue due to an autoimmune disease…

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