Not apportioning blame…

It’s Daisy’s father’s birthday, and really if she had more energy she should get out of bed and help walk the dogs with him. But so far this week has weighed heavy on her.
From the warm folds of her soft bed linen, she sends a message to Mr Unavailable. She is fully aware, that for him right now the world is full of fear and uncertainty and perhaps her ‘gun ho’ attitude of ‘this will be ok’ didn’t go down to well last night.
Tentatively she sends the following:

[7:38 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: My GP emailed me back… again – I’m not trying to apportion blame but have either of you ever had a cold sore?

(Now she copies the email into Whatsapp for him to see – the truth is she wants to be totally honest with him.

[7:39 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: Hi Daisy,

It can happen to anyone. It was type I which is the ‘cold sore virus’. It is very common (67% of the global population under 50 have it).
People may not be aware they have it.
Both types can be transferred sexually.
It can be spread by oral sex from a person with cold sores.
I always advocate ‘safe sex’ using condoms (even for oral sex) with new partners.
In a ‘steady’ relationship it is fine to not use barrier methods if neither partner has any open cold sores.
You can treat breakouts with Zovirax tablets.

It will get better!

Best wishes

Dr T

(Daisy knows she is very lucky to have such an amazingly kind and sensitive GP. In one message, in his free evening time, he has sought to console her and drag her back from the Abyss of the end of the world where she was yesterday.)

[9:01 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Unavailable: Well I’m still waiting to hear back from the clinic; I’ll ask them as to the use of testing outside on an outbreak
Tbh my assumption is that if I have it then you would be the most likely one I have caught it from.

(Daisy feels a coldness course through her body. She rereads this. First, she reads it as him taking responsibility, and then she reads it properly and sees how he is apportioning blame on her. Fuck.)

It doesn’t necessarily matter to me from where I got it as I think it highly unlikely that I have had it for long so I don’t need to work out who I’d need to get back in touch with.

(Great, another stab at her. Thanks, darling.)

With cold sores, I don’t really get them, the only thing that springs to mind is that you had them frequently before.

(In one sentence he says what she needed to hear, and also manages to say something irrelevant. Daisy has already spoken to Mr Big and he never gets cold sores. Maths is not Daisy’s strong point but fuck-it, the evidence is pretty damming. Nice how he twists it around to her though. He was the one that plunged into her without protection, without asking. Yes, she should have said something but fuck it, really? Can he really be behaving like this?)

[9:01 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Unavailable: Btw I’m still digesting the information.

[9:06 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: My other friend has never had a cold sore.

[9:09 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Unavailable: Has he got tested then?

Daisy types something out quickly, and as her best friend Tom would say, ‘impetuously’. Her finger hovers over ‘Send’, and then she takes a deep breath and realises that this is fruitless. He is busy at work. He is stressed. He has no answers. He may even, and here she pushes the boat out for him, he may feel guilty. (Hm, unlikely, but Daisy does always try to see the best in people).
At this point, Daisy realises that this is not going to be concluded today. It won’t matter what she says to him, because right now he is really upset and fear, fear is the major driving force behind his words and action. Daisy knows the chances are it was him that gave it to her. The odds for someone with the cold sore virus, just happening to be the person that last had sex with her before she had symptoms is just too obvious for words.
The message she wants to send is this.

“I’m really upset by all this.
Assumptions aren’t healthy neither is blame.
We were both hugely irresponsible and are fortunate that this wasn’t something worse.
He is going to get tested – I am not going to jump to conclusions but he is a lot older than us and has never had a cold sore in his life. I slept with him for years back when we dated and never had a problem. The symptoms didn’t start until after we slept together (positive because I’m a worst-case scenario if he did give it to me you might be fine) but odd that it was after you and not him.
So if you get tested and don’t have it – great 👍🏻
If you get tested and do have it and your results come back before his – well the odds are on you but at least you know now and can be aware for the future.
I had a completely clear test on the 11th of March – at the end of the day whichever way this goes I’m the one that so far has born the brunt of the symptoms.”

But the reality is that this won’t help the situation. Instead, she needs to persuade Mr Big to go and get tested.

She had started by asking Mr Big this morning if he had had a cold sore. If this is what has caused the problem then this is most likely the culprit.

[6:09 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Big: Never had one.

[7:30 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: Well I suppose you have always been pretty fit haven’t you x

[7:31 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Big: Fit, healthy and clean X

[7:32 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: X

[9:07 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: Please can you get checked out ASAP as the jerk of a guy I slept with is blaming me x and I think it was him x

[9:10 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Big: Careful who you sleep with. X

[9:17 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: Just you both x

(Doesn’t Daisy know it. One of these two is a mature, responsible adult. The other one is throwing his toys out of the pram. Isn’t it ironic that the behaviour she wishes Mr Unavailable would demonstrate is actually being shown by the man with thirty years head start on him.)

[9:17 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: Such an idiot.

[9:17 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: I’ve not slept with anyone for years and then I was stupid twice

[9:18 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: When can you get tested?

[9:33 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Big: When I get a chance

[9:34 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: There’s a blow job in it for you and making me a happy girl x

(Daisy likes giving blog jobs. Especially to people, she cares about, and in this instance perhaps a blow job may incentivise Mr Big to get this sorted.)

[9:46 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: Or maybe you could ask your GP but this would also work if you turned up for opening or booked an appointment x last bother of you I promise but I’m so upset by all this xxx

[10:02 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Big: I’ll get a full check up so you know I’m clean and unlikely to drop dead having sex with you. X
Considering he is a funeral director, it’s not like this would be a huge problem. But having seen a film where the President drop dead during intercourse with his PA Daisy is always aware of the possibilities of these things.

[10:03 AM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: That would be wonderful! What an incredibly kind and caring thing to do x

(And how calm and considerate.)

[10:13 AM, 5/3/2019] Mr Big: That’s just me, I enjoy your company it doesn’t always have to end with sex. X

(No, it doesn’t. But it’s fun when it does and he is a kind and considerate vanilla lover. It could never ‘work, work’ with him. But it does ‘work’ for them in its own special way.)

[1:18 PM, 5/3/2019] Daisy: It’s so nice to be corresponding with a grown up. A nice mature calm one at that. Hope your day is going well. X

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